you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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