Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
