come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize