I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
