goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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