True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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