The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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