Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
