How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am one with the molecules
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
