Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
