I wish i was in the wii world.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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