New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
