Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he puts the penis in happiness.
even my farts smell like vagina
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
