so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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