I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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