so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
