Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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