i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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