I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
