good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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