apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
