We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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