I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
