You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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