I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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