My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Come share oat with me in your robe
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
