I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
