And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
