conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
