brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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