I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
