there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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