I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
