yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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