I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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