found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
