They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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