He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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