ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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