New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
