Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
