I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
