he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
