Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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