I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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