I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
