The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
