I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
