if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
