a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
