PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
