Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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