watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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