Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
