Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
