i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize