You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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