it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
