Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
