he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
