singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
