you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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