Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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