If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
