I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
