but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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