I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My bed smells like the plague
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
