I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
we should paint friendship bongs
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