If i come over, it means nothing
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need moral support for this bender
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
