Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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