So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
